Embarrassed Mom

In response to 3rd advice question on page:  http://www.chicagotribune.com/features/tribu/askamy/ct-ae-1230-amy-20111230,0,4575874.column

Amy, not sure what Embarrassed Mom will gain by making a sarcastic remark like the one you suggested.   Do you want her to add more flames to a fire?  That Embarrassed Mom goes beyond mentioning their ages by adding that they are part of the “hippie generation,”  implies the attitude of what else would one expect.  Mom has not approved of her children’s choices for a long time.   That her children “brag” about having not written a “single thank-you note since they left home,” suggests that Mom must have made a really big deal about this to begin with.   It’s unfortunate that at their ages that they are still rebelling.  Have to wonder how often Mom still criticizes them for them to even make such remarks.   Embarrassed Mom most likely needs to keep her mouth closed and respect that as adults they have chosen how to live their lives.  It would have been helpful, Amy, to have pointed that out.  Also, explaining to Mom that there are other ways of thanking people, such as calling or thanking one in person, would have been appropriate.  If they are rude, there is nothing that she can do about that.   You were totally off base on this one.  

Dealing with Freeloaders

In response to 2nd advice question on page:  http://www.chicagotribune.com/features/tribu/askamy/ct-ae-1228-amy-20111228,0,3326103.column

Dear Amy:  Sarcasm is definitely your strength, though not necessarily what a sensitive, caring person, like An Irritated Hostess, needs to hear.  Honestly, the Hostess and Host really need to get on the same page.   Instead of worrying about what her husband may not do, she should be discussing the situation with him, not you; after all that is what a marriage is all about!   In terms of the freeloader, yes, his time is up, and he is taking advantage of their kindness.  Allowing him to hang around with zero responsibilities is detrimental not just to this family, but to himself!   This freeloader needs to grow up and become self-sufficient (not dependent on others)!  Do they need to give this person a deadline?  Absolutely!   They should stick to that date, and change their locks.      

There's a hitch in the plan to get hitched....

In response to:  http://www.chicagotribune.com/features/tribu/askamy/ct-ae-1229-amy-20111229,0,4309145.column

Dear Amy:  You actually offered a few valid thoughts on this one, but overall go off the mark.   You seem to get entrenched with your own thought processes, rather than what the Wannabe Bride is divulging to you.  The Bride and Groom need to discuss the reasons for their preferred choices.   What they divulge to each other may be more about their individual values (what they consider public or private) or personal issues (shyness) rather than their marital values.  Amy, just because a person can “handle” a large reception (notice handle, not prefer), doesn’t mean they aren’t painfully shy.  If she doesn’t like large crowds, or prefers to be in small groups in general, and he is the opposite, that is something they need to understand about each other, before marriage.  I compliment the couple on discussing compromises, but they really need to work on discussing what is below the surface.     

Grandma worries about teen bathing with kids...

In response to:  http://www.chicagotribune.com/features/tribu/askamy/ct-ae-1226-amy-20111226,0,1360019.column

Dear Amy:  I often wonder how you ever got this job.   Some sort of promotion?   Granny clearly reads the news.  The question is how well does she know this aunt?  Is there reason to suspect this person as being a sexual predator?   Because if so, one doesn’t need a tub to pursue those needs.  For the majority of us, playing in the tub with young children is social, not sexual.   It’s fun!   And believe it or not, it’s pretty easy to grab a child and bring them to safety when you’re next to them!  Tubs, Amy, are generally pretty small and when an adult sits in there, there is even less room for a child to go under water.   Oh, and one more thing, in our society, 18 year olds are considered to be adults!